300: Rise Of An Empire

Movie:  300: Rise Of An Empire

Rating:  1 Star (Out of 5)

Review:  The original movie 300 had something going for it, such as a real plot about a historical event, and an actor like Gerard Butler capable of pulling off the lead role.  Rise of an Empire is a total mishmash that is something of a prequel to the original.  The good guy, Greek warrior chief Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton), leads the attack at the shores of Marathon to turn back the larger invading force of Persians.  In the process, Themistokles kills the Persian king, Darius, which annoys the king’s son, Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro).  After that, the movie plot heads south very rapidly.

Xerxes in his grief transforms into some mystical, totally ruthless demi-god.  In the process, he sheds all body hair and grows about a foot.  Somewhere along the way, he chooses Arternisia (Eva Green) as his war fleet admiral and only trusted advisor.  Together, they sic a fleet of a 1000 warships or so against the Greeks to wreak revenge for their last humiliating defeat.  Now we are back in the time period of the other 300 movie, and the 300 Spartans just died heroically.  Themistokles tries to rally all the separate Greek city states, but the politicians dither.  Spartan Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) turns down requests to ally with the other Greeks.  So what follows is a number of sea battles where the fearless Greeks venture out to face the Persian armada, and the evil Arternisia.  Lots of bloody slashing and hacking with swords and spears.  And, that’s about it.  The only suspense is who survives to fight in the inevitable sequel.

Huh?  What The….:  That bit where Themistokles shoots an arrow that kills King Darius?  Don’t think it was possible to shoot an arrow that far, not even if he had one of those English long bows from the 14th century, which he didn’t.

And what is up with that eye mascara Eva Green had?  It made her look like a raccoon.   The love scene she had with Sullivan Stapleton looked more like a WWA Texas Death Match.

Dialogue Nugget:  Greek rallying cry before a battle:  “Better to die on our feet than live on our knees!”

 

 

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