Monthly Archives: February 2016

Deadpool

Movie:  Deadpool

Rating:  4 1/2 Stars (Out of 5)

Review:   Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is a scruffy former special forces soldier who is making a living as hired muscle.  You need someone to get ass-kicked and you’re willing to pay, Wade is your man.  Not much of a do-gooder, but Wade draws the line at excessive violence.  On his down time, Wilson hangs out at a sleazy bar frequented by rough trade, and their dubious betting game is on who will kick the bucket first.  Oddly enough, in this very den of iniquity, Wade meets Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), the love of his life.  Wade and Vanessa find themselves skipping through life in their own version of Love Story, until one day, the merry-go-round comes to a screeching halt….

Enter Deadpool, a reincarnation of Wade Wilson.  Deadpool wears red spandex and a mask (for good reason) but is he a superhero?  Eh, not so much.  Can he kick major ass?  You bet.   Deadpool has acquired unique powers that make him a formidable fighter, and he is on a mission to find a certain individual who calls himself Ajax (Ed Skrein).  A couple of X- Men types, Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead (seriously, Marvel, is this the best name you could come up with for this kid?) pop up trying to enlist Deadpool into their X Men club.  But old Deadie, as previously stated, will not be deterred, and plenty of mayhem and destruction will take place until that itch he has gets scratched.

How can I put this?  This movie reviewer was blown away by this marvelous Marvel action movie.  From the opening sequence of the film, there is an incredible action scene that is just mesmerizing.  But what really separates this movie from other “serious” movies like Batman, Superman, and even Iron Man is the constant witty and irreverent dialogue put out by Deadpool at a machine gun pace.  OMG, Ryan Reynolds has a goldmine franchise starting with this film.   When you consider this movie has some of the most awesome action sequences ever put on film, with what I believe is the best snappy dialogue that I can remember, this movie is a must see.  Yowza, start filming Deadpool 2 immediately, puh-lease!

Dialogue Nuggets:  Colossus – “When will he see the benefits of joining X-Men?”  Negasonic Teenage Warhead – “What, matching leotards and a house that blows up every few years?”

Deadpool (DP) – “I only have twelve bullets, so you’re going to have to share.”

Wade to Bar Buddy – “Wow, you bet on me to die!  You’re the world’s worst friend.”

Wade to Vanessa – “What can I get for $275 and a yogurt dessert card?”  Vanessa – “48 minutes of whatever the f*ck you want.”

Wade to Mystery Guy – “How can I help you, besides luring children into a panel van?”

DP to Garbage Guy – “Sorry about bleeding on your garbage.”

Cameo to Watch For – “Give it up for Chastity!”

DP – “I pity the dude that pressures her into prom sex.”

DP  to Colossus & NTW – “A big house!  It’s funny that I only ever see two of you.  It’s almost like the studio could only afford two X-Men!”

Best Scene:  There are so many.  I kind of liked the Zamboni scene, short as it was….

Actors:   Yes ladies, you will get to ogle Ryan Reynolds and his six pack abs several times.  The guy has about 1% body fat, for crying out loud.  But Morena Baccarin, of TV”s Gotham is pretty darn hot as well.  I was a little disappointed we didn’t see more of Gina Carano, a former UFC fighter who’s sexier than the attractive Ronda Rousey.  Nice to see Leslie Uggams get a part as well, and of course, keep your eye peeled for Stan Lee to sneak in his usual cameo appearance.

Opening Credits:  Almost everyone blows off the credits, but sometimes there is gold to be mined there.  Deadpool has the best opening credits ever!  For you lazy sods, I’ll list them.  You can figure out who they belong to:

God’s Perfect Idiot   –    British Villain   –   Moody Teen   –   A CGI Character   –     Gratuitous   Cameo    –   Some Douchebag’s Film   –   Produced By Asshats   –   Directed By An Overpaid Tool

Closing Credits:  Yes, of course there is something after the last credits.  This is a Marvel Comics movie, after all.  Something about them was reminiscent of the Pink Panther movies.  But don’t expect to see Ferris Buehler….

 

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Jane Got A Gun

Movie:  Jane Got A Gun

Rating:  3 Stars (Out of 5)

Review:   Jane Hammond (Natalie Portman)  is a frontier woman with true grit.  Her husband Bill (Noah Emmerich) has been shot full of lead, and is hovering near death in their house out in the middle of nowhere.  It is 1871, and lawmen are few and far away for the most part.  Jane goes to Lullary, a place that passes as the nearest town, but is pretty much a dung heap.  The only commerce in this town is a general store, a saloon, and a whorehouse.  The town is infested with an outlaw gang known as the Bishop Boys, a collection of miscreants ruled by John Bishop (Ewan McGregor).  Bishop has an unhealthy interest in Jane, going back seven years earlier when Jane was a young widowed woman trying to make her way out west on a wagon train with her young daughter.  After some unpleasantness, Jane eventually hooked up with Bill Hammond, a former associate of John Bishop.  Jane is at her wit’s end as to how to survive on her own, and seeks out former beau Dan Frost (Joel Edgerton), who is nursing ill feelings towards the woman he feels cast him aside for another man.

This is an interesting movie.  For one thing, it is a western movie, a genre that has pretty much died out except for the occasional made for TV horse oater.  The last great western in the theater was Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven way back in 1992, so it is worth going to see Jane just for the thrill of seeing very bad guys trying their best to triumph over the good guys.  And yes, there is gunplay going on.  In the old west, justice was often at the end of a gun.  There is decent acting here from stars Natalie Portman, Ewan McGregor of Star Wars fame, and Joel Edgerton, recently of the major film Exodus: Gods and Kings.  So go see this film for the change of pace of watching an honest to goodness western while you munch on popcorn.

Dialogue Nuggets:  Jane – “I don’t need a doctor, I need a gunslinger!”

Dan to Jane – “I rode halfway across the country looking for you.”

Dan to Bill – “You’re fixing to make a very big jump, my friend.  Straight to perdition.”

Bishop – “I may be an outlaw, but I don’t kill little children.”

Dan – “I’m busy digging…probably our graves.”