Tag Archives: Dwayne Johnson

Baywatch

Movie:  Baywatch

Rating:  2 1/2 Stars (Out of 5)

Review:   Lt. Mitch Buchannon is on the job.  He is the head lifeguard on the elite Baywatch team that patrols the crowded beach at Emerald Bay, Florida.  Besides the families there to soak up the sun and fun, there are plenty of rowdy college kids and occasionally the criminal sorts preying on the unwary.  Mitch and his core group of incredibly beautiful and extremely competent lifeguards, (Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario), CJ Parker (Kelly Rohrbach), and Stephanie Holden (Ifenesh Hadera)), are there to save folks from drowning, getting in trouble, or just getting too sunburned.  Never a boring day at the beach.

Then things got really interesting.  As part of his community service for vague misdeeds, two time Olympic gold medalist Matt Brody, aka the “Vomit Comet” (Zac Efron) shows up to be a new lifeguard.  Cocky to the point of arrogance, Matt does not fit in with the Baywatch team.  Even worse, there seems to be a drug trade near Emerald Bay, and a few dead bodies popping up as well.  Mitch and the gang just can’t let the police worry about crime on the beach.  They are hell-bent on getting to the bottom of whatever is going on.  Maybe the stunning Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra) has something to do with Mitch and Zac’s interest.

Hoo boy, how to describe this movie?  If you like plenty of eye candy on the beach, or have a nostalgia for the old TV show, then you will probably enjoy this flick.  It indulges in frequent juvenile humor (Ronnie Greenbaum stuck in the beach chair was just pathetic), then tries to pivot into some serious action stuff.  Despite Dwayne’s considerable comedic skills and Zac’s impressive pecs, the movie just doesn’t jell.  Sorry gang.

Mimi Trailers:  Mitch to Matt – “This ocean will tear your man-gina off.”

Ronnie staring at CJ Parker – “She’s the reason I believe in God!”

Mitch – “We watch what other people don’t want to watch.  We protect what other people don’t want to protect.”

Mitch – “No one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails.  You disobeyed orders.  You can’t save anyone if you die.”  Matt – “I know, I messed up.”

Mitch to cop – “We were in lifeguard pursuit.”  Cop – “There is no such thing as lifeguard pursuit.  You’re just regular people pursuing regular people!”

Matt holding up Olympic medal – “Where did you find this?”  Mitch – “It washed up on the beach.  You only threw it 8 feet.”

Cameos – Yup.  They managed to shoehorn David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson into the show.

Baywatch TV Trivia:  Mitch Buchannon had a lot of relatives pop up over the years.  There was Gayle, Irene, Kyle, Buzz, Jim, Al, and two Hobie Buchannons.

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San Andreas

Movie:  San Andreas 

Rating:  3 Stars (Out of 5)

Review:   Everybody wants to move to the West Coast, am I right?  Live it up in the sunshine in Los Angeles or San Francisco, be one of the beautiful people.  Well, here’s three words to think about:  San Andreas Fault.

Meet Ray (Dwayne Johnson), a helicopter rescue pilot for the Los Angeles Fire Department.  He has over 600 rescues to his credit, and he is very good at his job.  Relationships are another matter, as he is about to sign divorce papers from his wife Emma (Carla Gugino), who plans to move to San Francisco with boyfriend Daniel (Ioan Gruffudd) and her daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario).   But family matters are cut short when a major earthquake rips through Nevada, and the Hoover Dam goes bust, and havoc ensues.  Ray and all available rescue personnel are ordered to Nevada to assist in the disaster.

Meanwhile, other peoples’ lives move on.  Emma heads to Los Angeles, and her daughter Blake goes to San Francisco with future step-dad Daniel.  At Cal Tech, seismology expert  Professor Lawrence (Paul Giamatti) has just tested new technology to predict earthquakes, and wouldn’t you know it, just in time for the little machine to start blabbing dire warnings all over the place.  SPOILER ALERT!  THE WEST COAST IS TOAST!!!

I am generally not a big fan of the disaster movie genre, but this film is pretty decent.  It helps to have real star power, not just in Dwayne Johnson, but excellent actors and pros like Paul Giamatti, Carla Gugino, and Ioan Gruffudd.  Then there is young Alexandra Daddario, who is very attractive and could soon move up to starring roles.  And of course, for the action/adrenaline junkies, there is mayhem and special effects galore to satisfy your thirst for destruction.  So go ahead, check this film out.

Huh?  That the….:  Pretty young thing Natalie is in a major car wreck, windshield busted out, car rolling over multiple times, but by golly the cell phone that she was just talking on somehow stays in the car so she can call for help….

It is not a game day for baseball at the ball park in San Francisco, but for some reason the bases were left on the infield.  Better fire one of the groundkeepers….

Forget about balancing the budget.  The National Debt is about to increase by about 20 trillion dollars….

Soundtrack:  Stay for the credits and listen to a wonderful version of the classic song, California Dreaming, performed by Sia.

Dialogue Nuggets:  Student – “Professor, could that happen here?”   Professor Lawrence – “Well, it happens every 150 years, and we’re about 100 years overdue.  I’d say it’s not a question of if, but when.”

Blake – “I can’t believe Daniel just took off!  What an asshole!””

Emma on phone leaving message for Daniel- “You left my daughter?  If you’re not already dead, I’m going to fuc*ing kill you!”

Ray – “We’ll have to auto-rotate down.”  Passenger – “Auto what?”  Ray – “We’re going to crash.”

Professor Lawrence – “In seismology, what we are experiencing is called a swarm event.”